Lord, please help me as I type & edit all this…thank you!
My Turning Point
By Hannah Abalos
The Lord sure has been awesome & You O Lord totally deserve all the glory & the honor & our praise!!! And I do mean that...
Maybe I should back up a little...
It all started two years ago...well, the story REALLY starts much further than that...but that would take us way, way, WAY back in time...so I think I’ll just give you the shorter version... (",)
You see, I finally found what it means to be saved by grace through faith. I grew up in a Christian home & accepted the Lord into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior at a young age. Then I went on living out my life…being what I thought being a…“Christian” was all about…yet still lacking…
I was just going through the motions of Christianity & trying to be good enough so I cud make it into Heaven. I thought of myself as basically a “good person”. I mean, it was like…compared to others, I’m doing ok. I knew ALL ABOUT the Lord, sure…yet I still didn’t really KNOW Him personally. (in the way that I had been telling others to)
I could quote Bible verses & debate about what the Bible said and feel good about myself afterwards for taking a stand for Christ. But you know what…I just now realized that we can’t really efficiently defend THE CROSS unless we ourselves truly know what THAT CROSS stood for in OUR lives. We can tell others about what Christ has done in the lives of people that we know…but unless we ourselves have chosen to take up our cross and follow him…our words & impact on a person’s life is limited.
You see…I knew that the Bible said that a person is saved by grace thru faith…and I shared that to others…but I didn’t fully understand or comprehend it yet…not until just recently anyways…
I was riding home in a tricycle (public transportation) one night when it totally hit me…HARD! I realized that I truly wasn’t living a life pleasing unto the Lord. I realized that God wasn’t really #1 in my life. I realized that my actions, speech, & thoughts weren’t glorifying the Lord. I cud feel the tears begin to well-up…cuz it was like the Lord was opening my eyes & I was beginning to see myself for who I really was…
When I got to my room…the tears broke through and just kept flowing, as I clutched my pillow. I wanted to scream and was doing all I could to keep it in…which resulted in a painful throat. My insides felt like they were just going to explode. I saw myself for the lying, thieving, murderer & adulterer at heart that I really was…
I didn’t realize all the anger, hatred & unforgiveness that I had in my heart…or the web of deceit that I had been weaving over the years…or the constant struggle with the battle in my mind…or the masquerade that I was hiding in, pretending that I was ok…when in fact I had made such a mess of my life…
Looking into the mirror, I could see someone so very unworthy of God’s forgiveness. I opened my Bible & it was like certain verses just popped right out & I was hit hard…each verse powerful in its own way. It was like it came to life & the Lord was convicting me of certain areas in my life where I knew I had 2 change…
I knew I needed to repent so that’s what I did. I realized that repentance is not simply asking for forgiveness…but it deals with something much, much deeper than just that…it had to do with my heart. It had to do with me coming to truly understand that I was wrong & admitting it & then turning AWAY from my sins. It’s a deliberate choice…choosing not to sin. I didn’t realize it…but I had allowed myself to become trapped in sin & it felt like I was constantly defeated & I knew I need HELP…
For a very long time…I knew what the Holy Spirit had been telling me to do…but I felt like I just couldn’t do what it was He was telling me to do…cuz I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew it was going to be one of the hardest…if not THE hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life. I knew the Lord was telling me to be open & honest with my parents about what I was going thru. But I just couldn’t do that. So I pushed the Lord away & kept saying “No Lord, anything but that…I just can’t do it. Lord, I have another way---my way. My way will work Lord, I promise. You’ll see.” Anything to avoid the painstaking, pride breaking, humiliation…that I knew would come with doing things the Lord’s way. And for a while, my best efforts worked…but not for long. I was in bondage now & any efforts to get out only resulted in disappointment, guilt & more heartache. Kind of like wallowing in mud until we realize that it’s sinking sand and the wrong efforts trying to get out only does more damage cuz you’re doing the exact opposite of what you should do. So even though my motives may have been pure, I was still wrong because I was still disobeying what I knew He was telling me to do.
So that night when I truly gave my heart to God…I surrendered and then prayed, “Ok Lord, I will…but please give me the strength to do it.”
So with my heart beating faster than ever, my hands as cold as ice, and my knees shaking…I told my parents the truth. And even through their disappointment and hurt and pain…they hugged me, told me they still loved me and then they prayed FOR me & WITH me. I then understood God’s true boundless love…no strings attached…no ifs, buts or howevers…as it was displayed through my parents.
So even though it was the absolute most hardest thing I’ve had to do…it was worth it. It was worth the shame & the humiliation…just to be in the Lord’s arms & feel His love & forgiveness & grace.
I’ve realized that God knows what we are going through & He wants to see us victorious. He wants us to be freed from all our chains & bondages of sin. He wants 2 remove the shackles off our feet.
But it’s only when we are totally broken & humbled and say… “God I surrender…I give up…please, please take over”…that He can take our lives and mold us into what He designed & created us to be.
Anyways…it was THAT night that I rededicated my life to the Lord…& it was THEN that I FINALLY felt PEACE in knowing that ALL my sins had been forgiven & washed away. He accepted me…just as I was…with my torn, tattered & stained ragged clothes...dirty-faced & all…and clothed me with His AWESOME mercy, love & grace. I finally understood that God actually loved me…not because of anything…but rather…in spite of everything, in spite of all my many, many, MANY mistakes & shortcomings & all…
But the story doesn’t end there…of course the temptations are still there as long as I’m in this world and the battle still goes on…But it’s no longer as hard…for I know that the war has already been won…the devil has been defeated…and Jesus has triumphed over Sin & Death…I know that I can call upon the name of the Lord to help me…and He does! But even in the times when I let my guard down and stumble and fall…I know I don’t have to stay there and wallow in self-pity…and that’s why I have to choose to stay accountable…even though it’s hard. I’ve got to get up & move on…and finish the race cuz I know that God isn’t going to give up on me…He hasn’t yet...and I’m holding on to that…cuz He’s going to be faithful and finish the good work that He started in me...
***Greater is He who is living in me than he who is in the world…for the Lord is my shield, He is my strength, my portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need!!! ***
I know I now have salvation through HIM…
And I'll be praying for you.
My Turning Point
By Hannah Abalos
The Lord sure has been awesome & You O Lord totally deserve all the glory & the honor & our praise!!! And I do mean that...
Maybe I should back up a little...
It all started two years ago...well, the story REALLY starts much further than that...but that would take us way, way, WAY back in time...so I think I’ll just give you the shorter version... (",)
You see, I finally found what it means to be saved by grace through faith. I grew up in a Christian home & accepted the Lord into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior at a young age. Then I went on living out my life…being what I thought being a…“Christian” was all about…yet still lacking…
I was just going through the motions of Christianity & trying to be good enough so I cud make it into Heaven. I thought of myself as basically a “good person”. I mean, it was like…compared to others, I’m doing ok. I knew ALL ABOUT the Lord, sure…yet I still didn’t really KNOW Him personally. (in the way that I had been telling others to)
I could quote Bible verses & debate about what the Bible said and feel good about myself afterwards for taking a stand for Christ. But you know what…I just now realized that we can’t really efficiently defend THE CROSS unless we ourselves truly know what THAT CROSS stood for in OUR lives. We can tell others about what Christ has done in the lives of people that we know…but unless we ourselves have chosen to take up our cross and follow him…our words & impact on a person’s life is limited.
You see…I knew that the Bible said that a person is saved by grace thru faith…and I shared that to others…but I didn’t fully understand or comprehend it yet…not until just recently anyways…
I was riding home in a tricycle (public transportation) one night when it totally hit me…HARD! I realized that I truly wasn’t living a life pleasing unto the Lord. I realized that God wasn’t really #1 in my life. I realized that my actions, speech, & thoughts weren’t glorifying the Lord. I cud feel the tears begin to well-up…cuz it was like the Lord was opening my eyes & I was beginning to see myself for who I really was…
When I got to my room…the tears broke through and just kept flowing, as I clutched my pillow. I wanted to scream and was doing all I could to keep it in…which resulted in a painful throat. My insides felt like they were just going to explode. I saw myself for the lying, thieving, murderer & adulterer at heart that I really was…
I didn’t realize all the anger, hatred & unforgiveness that I had in my heart…or the web of deceit that I had been weaving over the years…or the constant struggle with the battle in my mind…or the masquerade that I was hiding in, pretending that I was ok…when in fact I had made such a mess of my life…
Looking into the mirror, I could see someone so very unworthy of God’s forgiveness. I opened my Bible & it was like certain verses just popped right out & I was hit hard…each verse powerful in its own way. It was like it came to life & the Lord was convicting me of certain areas in my life where I knew I had 2 change…
I knew I needed to repent so that’s what I did. I realized that repentance is not simply asking for forgiveness…but it deals with something much, much deeper than just that…it had to do with my heart. It had to do with me coming to truly understand that I was wrong & admitting it & then turning AWAY from my sins. It’s a deliberate choice…choosing not to sin. I didn’t realize it…but I had allowed myself to become trapped in sin & it felt like I was constantly defeated & I knew I need HELP…
For a very long time…I knew what the Holy Spirit had been telling me to do…but I felt like I just couldn’t do what it was He was telling me to do…cuz I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew it was going to be one of the hardest…if not THE hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life. I knew the Lord was telling me to be open & honest with my parents about what I was going thru. But I just couldn’t do that. So I pushed the Lord away & kept saying “No Lord, anything but that…I just can’t do it. Lord, I have another way---my way. My way will work Lord, I promise. You’ll see.” Anything to avoid the painstaking, pride breaking, humiliation…that I knew would come with doing things the Lord’s way. And for a while, my best efforts worked…but not for long. I was in bondage now & any efforts to get out only resulted in disappointment, guilt & more heartache. Kind of like wallowing in mud until we realize that it’s sinking sand and the wrong efforts trying to get out only does more damage cuz you’re doing the exact opposite of what you should do. So even though my motives may have been pure, I was still wrong because I was still disobeying what I knew He was telling me to do.
So that night when I truly gave my heart to God…I surrendered and then prayed, “Ok Lord, I will…but please give me the strength to do it.”
So with my heart beating faster than ever, my hands as cold as ice, and my knees shaking…I told my parents the truth. And even through their disappointment and hurt and pain…they hugged me, told me they still loved me and then they prayed FOR me & WITH me. I then understood God’s true boundless love…no strings attached…no ifs, buts or howevers…as it was displayed through my parents.
So even though it was the absolute most hardest thing I’ve had to do…it was worth it. It was worth the shame & the humiliation…just to be in the Lord’s arms & feel His love & forgiveness & grace.
I’ve realized that God knows what we are going through & He wants to see us victorious. He wants us to be freed from all our chains & bondages of sin. He wants 2 remove the shackles off our feet.
But it’s only when we are totally broken & humbled and say… “God I surrender…I give up…please, please take over”…that He can take our lives and mold us into what He designed & created us to be.
Anyways…it was THAT night that I rededicated my life to the Lord…& it was THEN that I FINALLY felt PEACE in knowing that ALL my sins had been forgiven & washed away. He accepted me…just as I was…with my torn, tattered & stained ragged clothes...dirty-faced & all…and clothed me with His AWESOME mercy, love & grace. I finally understood that God actually loved me…not because of anything…but rather…in spite of everything, in spite of all my many, many, MANY mistakes & shortcomings & all…
But the story doesn’t end there…of course the temptations are still there as long as I’m in this world and the battle still goes on…But it’s no longer as hard…for I know that the war has already been won…the devil has been defeated…and Jesus has triumphed over Sin & Death…I know that I can call upon the name of the Lord to help me…and He does! But even in the times when I let my guard down and stumble and fall…I know I don’t have to stay there and wallow in self-pity…and that’s why I have to choose to stay accountable…even though it’s hard. I’ve got to get up & move on…and finish the race cuz I know that God isn’t going to give up on me…He hasn’t yet...and I’m holding on to that…cuz He’s going to be faithful and finish the good work that He started in me...
***Greater is He who is living in me than he who is in the world…for the Lord is my shield, He is my strength, my portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need!!! ***
I know I now have salvation through HIM…
And I'll be praying for you.
Always, hannah
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